freedsistah
October 14th
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Jun 10, 2016
free from single shaming
One day I was talking to a woman that I just met. She told me she has recently gotten married and she is having a baby. I congratulated her. "What about you?", she asked. "Oh I don't have any kids and I'm still single". I told her quite proudly. She laughed out loud and asked "but why? how old are you?" and laughed again. She laughed like I told her the funniest joke for the day. Telling her my age would probably result to even more scrutiny. So I smiled, winked and said, "it's a secret". I can't count how many comments I've heard from fellow women, older women, and married women. "You're not getting any younger...", "think of your eggs." Oh this one, "Are you a lesbian?" or "why? but you're so pretty!" These comments that match their condescending look with a hint of pity, that say I am a strange creature from another planet. Sometimes I'm tempted to get all defensive, but more often I just shrug and say "oh well". Cos I know deep inside there are moments, they wish they could be me. In fact , I hear that too. "Oh I wish I could be more like you... so free" which is just another form of single shaming. I'm not single because of lack of trying. There are people in my phone book who'd be rushing to date me. They're just one text away...if I'm that desperate. It's not the 1900's anymore. Why are women expected to be married and to bear children before they turn 30? And if you're not and don't, something's seriously wrong with you. Even in church, people are segregated this way: Please tick if you are 0 student 0 married 0 single. Can't we think of any other way to tell people apart. Is there a law that these groups of people can't mingle with each other? Perhaps it'is a good idea for students to get a long with old married couples. I bet they will learn a lot. As observed, there seems to be 2 groups of single women, group A are those who are.. should I say...obsessed.. about getting married and "finding the one" that's all they talk about. Everything they say seems to conclude somehow to getting married. Their facebook posts are all about "the one" and waiting for the perfect time. Sorry I can't help but roll my eyes. Then there's group B, those women who want nothing to do with men or finding love and highlight the fact that they are single which is reflected by their dozen posts about single life. None of these two groups seem to appeal to me. Am I supposed to be defined by my civil status? I admit I do think about having a husband and having kids. Probably not as often as group A. No. I don't pray about it everyday as I've been instructed before. Heck. My dad probably prayed more for it than I ever did. My prayer often goes like this: "Father help me to appreciate the now. to be grateful for the people who are already in my life. To celebrate this season of my life." Let's try this: let's celebrate each other's life seasons. Regardless of where we are and not to expect each other to be more like each other. Accept the fact that some marry early, some marry late, some think marriage is not for them. Let's congratulate each other, where we are and not look down on each other for not being more like us. We all have our own unique journey. Lower you eyebrows, (real or drawn) and let's be happy for each other for once. You are awesome.

Posted at 05:30 pm by freedsistah
 

 
Mar 23, 2016
transition
She knows that this transition is not about making herself better but allowing herself to become what she had always been

Posted at 11:07 am by freedsistah
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May 7, 2012
Free to declare "I'm single and fabulous!"
While I wait to get married, I will focus on my relationship wih God. As I regularly spend more time in His presence, the Holy Spirit within me will produce the Fruit of the Spirit which includes love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, kindness, and self-control. The qualities I need to develop in order to become 'the one' for my 'the one'. I will be a good STEWARD of the time given to me right now as a single. I will fulfill the purpose God had prepared for me to do. I am SET APART. I SERVE Him. I help others. I care for my family. I will honor God with everything I've got: my strength, my time, my resources, my gifts and talents. I make disciples. I will be diligent to guard my thoughts, and to guard my heart. I will not follow my heart's desires but God's heart's desire. I will resist the temptation to be bitter or envious when I see other people getting what I want. In a time of weakness, I will seek God's grace and ask for a way out. I wait patiently, expectantly with thanksgiving and committed prayer. I will pray unceasingly. My security and identity is in my God. I refuse to give in to self-pity when society looks down on me for being unmarried. My intimacy with Him makes me trust His timing and SOVEREIGNITY. I believe His plan is good. I will grow closer to God daily. I will discern the character of the men I meet. I will be prepared to be in a relationship with a man as a friend first and eventually a fiancee. While I wait, the time before marriage will be sweeter as I am near my God. My spirit is at peace. I am complete. I am fit and fabulous. And when the time finally comes, I'll be better prepared to get married and be married for His glory ! So help me God.

Posted at 05:03 pm by freedsistah
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Aug 25, 2011
Free to Dream
Here it is, ladies. Part 3 of 3. :) at least for now this is the last one. I'm sure there a lot of principles that can help us make the most of this wonderful journey of waiting. Let's recap: First, Engage with people. Don't shrink back. Step out in faith. When you do that, next thing you can do is invest your time, love, energy even finances to people. You will never ran out of people that you can help. The third fun thing you can do on your way to answered prayers is to Dream. There are times that I just feel lazy to dream because I can't count how many times my dreams got broken. I figured if I don't dream then I don't have to worry about whether or not they will come true and I'll have lesser heart aches. Then when I do dream sometimes, I hear the enemy's voice saying, " tss..Asa!", "feeling ka" , "you think God will do that for you? don't you remember what you did to Him?" and then i will just feel so discouraged and stop dreaming. There's just so much struggle, burden and hassle to dream. Then I realized the reason we struggle is because we want things to go our way. We don't want to let go and let God. We feel that our first fruit is our only fruit. But God said, " give Me your first fruits; of your time, energy, finances, effort and I, the God who created the universe will give you more than what you can think or even imagine! Seek Me first! and I can give you all that you need" He knows the desires of your heart, He knows them more than you do! The question is, are we willing to trust His timing? I used worry about that, you know how our biological clock is ticking, ladies. and it "seems" like we're running out of time. But let me quote the poet Jannette..iks on this one: We serve the Author of Time! Who is not subject to time, but I'm subject to Him. He has the ability to stop, pause,rewind , fast forward on any given time. The Bible said, the blessing of the Lord makes us rich and adds no sorrow to it. Allow me to be an open-book here for a moment. In my life, I have manipulated the will of God way too many times. and when I bring about something that is not in the season of God, all I got in the end were sorrow, regrets, and heart aches. I couldn't afford to wait for God- it's taking Him so long so I thought He needed a hand. so I volunteered. told God, "I got this". and for a while, I was living my "dream" (or so I thought) I had a job I love, I had my own place, living independently in the city, and a "working" relationship. I was settling for that. First fruits of my effort. Galing ko! but I lost God along the way. I was successful but far from being happy. A hole in my heart was echoing so loudly I couldn't enjoy my plunder. I remembered asking God, " Will you take me back? " and I felt God telling me, "Anak,I've always been with you, it was you who let Me go, So I should be the One asking you, "Will you take Me back?" With an aching chest I knew that's what I wanted. I missed Him. I said yes to that and Bam! in a blink(ok, within a month) I was stripped off of all my dreams that I held on so dearly. Everything I worked hard for: gone. God showed up. Those dreams were not what He wanted for me. Yes He stripped off the fancy dreams I put on myself: but He replaced them with garments of praise. He clothed me with garment of salvation. I was the prodi"gal" and He put on me the family robe, new slippers to welcome me home, and the signet ring of my Father so I can leave His mark everywhere He places me. God had to break me just so I can exchange my dreams for His. And is anything too hard for our Big God? He birthed new dreams in my heart. He even gave me a talent for writing. Someday I want to see my name on a book's cover, or a magazine column and go to nations where I can tell women everywhere how God turn things around in my life and what He can do for them. By myself, I don't think I can do anything. but with Him, I can do anything! I'm just an ordinary woman, with not-so-ordinary dreams, and extraordinary God! God used my pain for His glory. because in the first place, His pain was my gain. Even in the time of waiting, God refreshed me. And as I waited on Him, I was able to know Him better, fall in love with Him more each day...and That is my answered prayer. Questions to ask: 1. What are the dreams God had birthed in my heart? 2. Am I willing to let go and offer it to God so that He can do so much more in my life? Sisters, Remember you are a remarkable woman, intricately designed; an intelligent, secure, loving, talented, kind-hearted, witty, attractive, beautiful, wonderful woman, princess of God. Love, Chinky

Posted at 11:08 pm by freedsistah
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Free to Sow
This is the part 2 of 3 installments :) If you haven't read the first part, you better do that before reading this otherwise this is not gonna make so much sense. I just came back from a victory group meeting and worship service so I'm so encouraged and inspired right now. I can not thank God enough for His grace. The only reason why I'm still standing is because of His unfailing, sufficient, saving and amazing grace. I would've given up on myself a long time ago but He never gave up on me. isn't that amazing ? Anyway back to the topic. been talking about waiting and it seems a lot of my single friends can relate! yey! The first thing we can do on our way to our answered prayer is to ENGAGE to other people. Even if you don't feel like it , when you feel the nudging of the Spirit, you just go and God's grace will show up. You'd be surprised how He can use you to help others. The next principle for us girls to do while waiting is to INVEST. and I don't mean in business or in a house or on yourself.(though those are good too) but invest your time, money and effort on other people. Ministry is all about that. It's all about sowing. Sometimes it may be a little inconvenient and awkward at first, it's uncomfortable and we fear rejection and humiliation. But as I heard from a pastor before, as you step out in faith, God will meet you there. and you will just stand amazed on how he can use you. Let me tell you about my college friend Diorella. During my most depressed time, God wanted me to minister to her. (she just went through an ugly break-up at that time) and I said, "but I'm still messed up, how can I possibly help her?" Then the lies began "she's not gona listen to me, she knows too much about my lifestyle before, she's not gonna believe me" God encouraged me, "I will be with you" so I spent time with her, called her up, sent tons of text messages, prayed for her, eventually she agreed to go to church with me, I got her her first bible. She became so hungry for God's word. All I did was told her about my sappy pathetic life and how God was able to turn things around. We prayed and she received Christ as Lord and Savior. This was her message to me after her quiet time one night: "Chinky, I'm so inpired by you. I'm so whole again. All the pieces I lost, they were replaced by One great piece and that's Him (Jesus). Thanx for helping me find that piece." All glory to God! that I stepped out and invested in her. there's no greater joy than helping someone in their walk with God. I wouldn't be where I am also if it weren't for those people who invested their time in me; prayed for me, counseled and discipled me.(esp. Ate Let-Thank you!) (pasaway pa naman ako!) The people I also need to sow my time, effort and money are my family. Especially my dad. I know my time with him is limited. I know that when I get married my priority will be my husband and I'm believing for a great husband. So right now, while I'm still single I'm investing on my dad. Practice na diba? I know that as I serve my dad right now, take care of him, love him, God will someday bless me with a husband that will take care and love me too. Now is the time ladies to invest. There are people in your life that God wants you to spend more time with, treat a dinner to, jog with, call up, buy a book for, buy a cup of coffee, invite to church, It takes a little bit of your time, effort and money but someday you will reap what you sow. your reward is eternal. Once again, God is saying to you, "What are you waiting for?" "Ano pa'ng iniintay mo jan, ha?" invest! sow! Questions to ask yourself: 1. Who are the people who invested time and energy in my life that helped me in my walk with God? Don't forget to thank them. 2. Who are the people God wants me to invest more time that they may know God more? 3. What am I willing to do/give up in order to invest more to them ? Stand by for Part 3 of 3. it's gonna be a good one! :)

Posted at 11:07 pm by freedsistah
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Free to Engage
I'm surprised with the volume of responses I got from the previous notes. Akalain mo, may nagbabasa pala ng sinusulat ko. hahaha. Thanx for the like and feel free to share. Everything I write now is the juice from a heart that's been squeezed out by the nail-pierced hand of Jesus. He needed to apply pressure on my hemmorhaging, bruised and cut heart so He can heal me. I can not say I am completely healed and free but I do believe deliverance is on its way. Stormie Omartian in her book, "The power of the praying woman" says God wants to deliver you, not to change you into someone else but to release you to be who you really are: an intelligent , secure, loving, talented, kind-hearted, witty, attractive, wonderful woman of God." Often I feel impatient with myself. When will I change? Then I remember, God is patient with me. I just have to be still and wait on Him. I feel like writing here what I shared to a bunch of beautiful women at Victory Imus about on our way to answered prayers. (good times, ladies). Like you, I am also waiting for answered prayers but I'm not sure if you, like me feel that it's taking a long time. that maybe God has forgotten me or my prayers because nothing seems to be happening. I feel so left behind. and I get it now that this waiting thing is a challenge and can be frustrating. But Proverbs 3:5-6 says Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." So my prayer for us girls, is that we won't get so consumed of what we're waiting for that we miss out on what God wants to do right now. It hit me then that probably the reason for praying and waiting is not about getting your prayers answered but it is when we wait and pray that we get to know Him more which should be our utmost goal anyway. So what do we do now? I heard a similar message to this few years back from New York City- (a trip that God billed for me 100%- praise Him!) funny how it didn't make a dent to me til now. 1. Engage- in people's lives , I mean. I used to feel that God can't use me until He does something in my situation or until I completely change. but when He places people in our lives to engage to, suddenly our problems and limitations become so insignificant. Sure, we have good days then we have bad days, and when we feel that nudge that God wants to use us we say, "not today, God." and I noticed that God wants me to engage to others during my lowest points. What is up with that ? A co-worker wants me to pray for her, a college friend suddenly calls me up for advice, a family member needs help. and sometimes i just want to say, "but I'm hurting too God. hello? who's encouraging me ?" and He says, "C'mon, daughter, engage. go out there and pursue me, pray for people, get dirty for people, serve people." Now is the best time. I don't know about you, but I want to be engaged someday but I want to engage before I get engaged. God says to you, "What are you waiting for? engage! " Questions to ask self: 1. Who are the people God is asking me to engage to? friends, relatives, colleagues, neighbors. 2. What will I do today to engage to them ?

Posted at 11:06 pm by freedsistah
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Aug 7, 2011
Free to wait for the one
I've been available in the market for almost 8 months now. It can't be helped when your friends and family realized that you're single and available that they start setting you up. I have to admit, I had been a little picky at first but as time passes by, I started opening up my options. I found out that at face value, I'm just so-so, they'd rather admire my figure. They would like me because of my oozing personality but then they would realize they can't catch up with my train of thoughts. I could be very deep and very shallow at the same time. This of course will sometimes freak them out a bit. So I said to myself, maybe dating is not for me. where the atmosphere seems fake and superficial. The one for me would find me, when it's time to find me. and when he finds me, he would already know me, because, he's already been praying for someone like me. The one for me will not be intimidated by my weirdness and idiosyncrasies. He would find my humor funny. I hope he will not just be attracted to my personality but to my character- the woman that God is changing me into. I hope he will not look at my past with disgust but with grace. I hope he will not just see may face, but the joy and peace in my eyes. I hope he will be attracted not just because I know how to carry myself but because I am secured in my Creator. He will be drawn to my faith, he would fall in love with me because of the way I pray for the nations and the next generation. He would not see how I could love him, but how I love Him. He would like me not because I'm articulate but because I can worship God in spirit and in truth. He would like me not because I'm popular and likable, but he would see how I serve others. He would fall in love with me, because he's in love with Christ, and he would see Christ in me. I know I'm still far off from that, but by grace I could be on my way. The one for me, will not complete me, because I am complete in God. and when he knows that, he'd be wise enough to never let me go.

Posted at 10:47 pm by freedsistah
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Jan 13, 2011
Free to Reset
After 3 years, i finally had the courage to reopen this blog. Besides the more accessibility to the internet and time, i guess i also got a lot of inspiration in the past events in my life in the beginning of the year. New Years give us a chance to reset. You can start over. clean slate. you can learn from your past mistakes and and then forget about them. It gives you a reason to grab a pen and paper and write down your goals for this year. You can be expectant for the amazing things God had prepared for you. While some people get a new haircut or new attitude, I'm getting a new heart. what happened to the old one? well it's shattered. It was necessary. no one to blame. I needed to learn something; that is Loving takes risks and sometimes you get burned but it was worth taking. I thought about the individuals that helped me learned this lesson, however indirectly. and I am thankful because now, i can honestly say that i know how to love. I was given a chance and i took it. But how do we get a new heart? It's all about forgiveness. It's the way to live. It gives you peace and inner joy knowing that you did the right thing. It's where healing starts. You're no longer a victim, but a survivor. I will not allow bitterness to creep in my life. There are two types of people: those who have problems forgiving and those who can't receive forgiveness. but it becomes easier to forgive people if you know how much you have been forgiven. i did too many things too in my life that need pardon and I'm thankful that I have received forgiveness. I am free !

Posted at 10:04 pm by freedsistah
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Oct 10, 2008
free to believe
As grown ups, its just not natural to believe anymore... its ironic, the more knowledge we gain, the more faith we lose. I think it's because we analyze so much. Remember when we were just kids, it was so easy to believe in Santa Claus, Tooth fairy, mermaids, Jesus was our Best friend. Things were simpler. we were happier. Yes. Now we know they're not true. fiction. false faith. We are scientists and we only believe claims based on empircal information. True true. But if you wanna get scientific about it.. believe is good for the endorphins. Your natural painkillers.. your happy hormones.. Believing  does wonders for your mental health.  It's kowing that there's something bigger than you out there who can help you out. Whether real or imagined. The act of believing and having faith pays off. It's scientific.

Posted at 05:30 pm by freedsistah
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Jun 15, 2008
free to be careful in Dating

Ooppsss! I did it again! No one can say it better than Britney Spears herself. But how many times have we said this regarding boy/girlfriend relationships? You fell for the wrong person, being rejected ("basted") for the nth time. There you are again staring at your cell phone for the text message that never came. Dumped yet again by the girl you like. You thought you really hit it off, but she got turned off. What did you do this time? You know you shouldn't flirt, 'cos you already have a boyfriend, but you did it again; you replied to that message, you glanced back at him. How many times have you tasted the bitterness of a break up? How many times have you watched your relationships turning sweet to sour right before your eyes? You just broke up with your 4th girlfriend for this year. 'We just don't have the right chemistry!' didn't you hear yourself say that about your exes too? And here you are, not even 3 weeks after your break up making out with a new girl that you think can speed up your "coping up". How long before you could realize that you don't have the "right chemistry?" how long before things get inconvenient and you realize the relationship was just too much of a hassle to handle? And then there you go again…saying…ooopppss!

Hey, we never said we are good at this, but here and there, we screw things up. How many of you agree with me that we are desperate to take a little course called Relationships101.? I see some hands raised. Well, I think that we can start by identifying the root of the problem. We live in a generation in which everything is instant. Instant popcorn, instant noodles, instant coffee; almost everything can be accomplished in a snap of a finger! Those are good. Thank God for 

1-2-3

step cheesecake! But we lose the value of patience. If we're like this now, man! I'm scared for my children and grandchildren. We tend to settle for what is good rather than waiting for the best. This feels good, he makes me feel good. I feel good about us. Take note of this; the worst enemy of the best is the good. Too often we miss out on the best for settling for the good. Besides the right-here-right-now attitude, we are also in the culture that celebrates self-centeredness and immorality! What's in it for me? What can you offer me? Can you meet my needs? Can you make me happy? I don't care about how you feel; you need to satisfy my manly needs now! It doesn't matter if it's wrong, we love each other. If you love me, you'll do it. I love you because you make me feel…umm…you give me this and that…You complete me…you had me at hello…

Yes, we all have needs. And those needs need to be met. The problem is if you're both empty, what can you feel up each other with? It's difficult for a discouraged person to encourage another person. You can't give what you don't have. On the other hand, person who is overflowing with joy can't help but encourage anybody she comes into contact with. She does not expect anyone else to fill up her needs, because it's already met. By whom? I'll tell you in a while. First, let's go back to dating.

7 habits of highly defective dating…

(By Joshua Harris, examples by: Marisol Fernandez)

When we say "dating' take note that it means, boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.

For the next few paragraphs, I am about to be totally candid with you. As I discuss the 7 habits of highly defective dating, I will share some of my personal experiences that may help illustrate the points. I want to share this portion of my life, not to boast anything, or hoping to spread some gossip, but so that it may benefit you towards having a new attitude on dating relationships.  Again, I'm not anti-relationships okay? But I believe that if we do relationships right, we can spare ourselves from some unnecessary emotional roller coasters. Warning: this requires open minds! Ready?

1-2-3

Defective habit 1: Dating tends to skip the friendship stage of a relationship. In a date, we all have a tendency to put our best foot forward. A guy can easily woo the girl with heart-melting lines and moves. A girl would dress her best and make sure she got no "tinga" between her teeth as she talks, she would spend many hours in front of the mirror just to get ready. (I'm guilty of this!) A guy would totally "sell" himself to impress the girl. Likewise, the girl would put on flirty mode that shows her best angle. You won't tell your date that your feet stink, or that you snore. You probably would keep your deadly secrets from that person, cos he/she might get turned off.

Do you like watching Smallville? I'm a fan. In season 1, Clark

tries to win Lana's heart. They've been friends for a long time, but he wants to take it to the next level. Then here comes Chloe, saying "careful Clark, once you crossed that line, you can't go back" What does Chloe mean by that? I think she means that if you mess up your relationship, you might lose the beautiful friendship too. A relationship built on strong friendship is incredible. Friendship, that means two people walking side by side toward the same goal. Honest. Candid. Transparent. For girls, its like feeling pretty, without having the guilt you should be prettier. In dating, you look at each other eye ball to eye ball. And everything else fades away in the background. Intimacy without commitment is defrauding (promising something we can not provide). Intimacy without friendship is superficial. A relationship based solely on physical attraction and romantic feelings will last only as long as the feelings last. Besides, isn't it wonderful to be with someone that you can be totally yourself with, no make up, no masks, just you.

Defective habit # 2: Dating often mistakes a physical relationship with love.

"Geezh, we're just dating. We don't intend to sleep with each other, goodness! How can you think about that?" yeah right! I'm not going to try to clean up my act here, ayt? I remember saying some similar lines too. But did it help? Well, let me just put it this way, 'been there, done that'. Where I had my teenage years, a relationship is not a relationship unless it's physical. I mean, it's really only a miracle that I didn't get…arrested for the things I've done! (I didn't even know if it were legal!)  It may felt so right, but the early introduction of physical affection (I don't mean just sex) into a relationship only added confusion. It becomes difficult to be objective! Every time you evaluate the status of your relationship it's depended on what "level" you are in your physical relationship. 1st base, 2nd base, 3rd base, homerun!  Listen, just because lips have met, doesn't mean hearts have joined. Just because two bodies are drawn to each other doesn't mean two people are right for each other. A physical relationship doesn't always equal love.

Our culture regards the words, love and sex interchangeable. Thus, we say phrases like, "lets make love, I'm gonna give you some loving tonight" I'm not surprised at all when people think they "love" the ones they're sleeping with. And their relationship's focus becomes the physical aspect. Physical involvement can make two people feel close. But when they really examine their relationship; they'd probably discover that all they have in common is lust.  Sex is a beautiful thing, and we all have the access to experience it at its very best. And just like most "best's" it requires patience. But I won't be talking about that now. (check upcoming blogs).

Defective habit # 3: Dating often isolates a couple from vital relationships.

            I was with a guy for two years and everybody acknowledged that we were an "item". We were inseparable! All of our friends thought that we were just meant to be. We couldn't imagine being with anyone else. He was my world, and I was his! Now, before you say how its-you-and-me-against-the-world- romantic that was, notice something's wrong with that phrase. Our worlds virtually revolve around each other. Everything else fades out in the background. Who cares about our friends who couldn't reach us anymore, who cares about our parents who barely see us at home anymore, or about my siblings who get sick each time I open my mouth cos all I ever talk about was him? Although, our relationship was growing, the other vital relationships around us were left severed.

Defective habit # 4: Dating can distract young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future. 

I don't know if any of you can relate with me, but I'm more of a "type A" personality. Meaning I like being on top of things, I have a set schedule for the day; I don't like that much interruption, though I allow them.  I like things in their proper place. And when I'm asked to do a certain task, I want the outcome to be exactly how I envisioned it.  As long as I am focused, I get things done, and they are well done!…as long as I'm focused. Here's what happens when I'm distracted, I can't focus because so often, I am preoccupied with thoughts of him! Can't sleep. Can't eat. I spend so much time, energy, money, investing on the relationship. I use up neurons in my brain analyzing and evaluating our "status". Quite frankly, I spend more time defending our relationship, than actually being in a relationship. Now, that may probably be too much of an example for you. But it is true, that dating has a tendency to distract us from growing-that means developing our God-given talents, equipping ourselves with the character, education, and experience necessary to succeed in life.  I don't want to sound like your mom now, okay, but based from experience, I give you this advice, if you're a student now, your purpose is to be the best student you can be! Hold off those romantic notions for now, you've got the rest of your life outside school to experience that! 

Defective habit # 5: Dating can cause discontentment with the gift of singleness. (Unmarried years).

Being single is like no other time in your life. I know being married has its own benefits and joys. When I meet with some of my friends that are already married, they would share things about marriage life that I can't even begin to imagine. I know someday, I will also be married. Heck, I have envisioned my wedding day from the time I was 7 years old! But until then, I would savor each day of my single hood. I realized that once I'm married, its goodbye to the lifestyle that is unmatched. Singleness is a gift from God that is filled with boundless opportunities for growth, learning, and service. I've done so much since I graduated from College in '03 - I traveled to 3 nations, 9 great cities of the world including NYC, DC, and HK, took up a Master's degree, I finished up my 2nd  bachelor's degree. I've worked at a University, radio station, pre-school, volunteered at a center.  I've met so many friends and different kinds of people and I'm only 26!  Yet, it's sad, that we view single-hood only as a chance of finding or keeping boyfriends and girlfriends. We tire ourselves scouting for the "right one"-when the "right one" is not found when searching for it.

I'm excited about being married, but now that I'm single I want to maximize this season as much as I can.

Defective habit # 6: Dating can create an artificial environment for evaluating another person's character.

Related to defective habit #1, in dating relationships, we put on a façade so that we can impress the other person. Maybe we don't lie, but we tend to exaggerate. We sugarcoat the truth to make it more attractive. Dating creates an artificial environment for two people to interact in. As a result, each person can easily convey an equally artificial image. On a date, a person can charm his/her way into a date's heart. He drives a nice car, pulls up your chair, and pays for everything. Often times, those things never passed the "ligaw" stage. All of these things a person does in a date don't prove what kind of character he has; instead, the couple should see each other in the real-life-settings of family, friends, and colleagues. How does he treat his mother? Does he have plans or goals? How does he interact with the people who know him best? How does she react when things don't go perfectly? When considering a potential mate, we need to find the answers to these kinds of questions. –usually not answered in dating.

Defective habit # 7: Dating often becomes an end in itself.

I know of many couples that have been dating for years without even considering where their relationship is headed. I have a friend who has a boyfriend for almost 7 years and when I asked her, "is he the one?" she answered she's not sure. I asked her a follow up question, "what if he proposes?" she said they're not thinking about marriage yet and just because they've been together for so long doesn't mean they're getting married.  So what is the purpose of your relationship then? I mean, is it because he satisfies your needs now, and you're comfortable with him, but you don't see him in your future? It seems like they're stuck- not ending, but not moving forward either. Instead of acting as a bridge between friendship and marriage, the relationship becomes the destination.

Old habits may die hard

So there you have it folks. I know some of you, like me, can relate to two or more of these dating habits. Sadly, I can't give you a perfect formula for "dating right" as other references would, using the world's mindsets and values. What we need is a good brainwasher.

Its time we get a new attitude regarding love, romance, and relationships.

In my next blogs, I'll explain why I am a counterculture romantic!


Posted at 08:48 pm by freedsistah
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